tonight is my night.

floor rumbling to deep bass murmurs

eardrums shot with penetrating force

sweat mixed cocktails, salty lime stirred bodies

entwined trunks slithering smoothly, skin contact hungry.

seductive whispers “take me home with you “

blacklights highlight fly sights

unsatisfied, sound waves reach out to grab ahold

hands up in a church hallelujah, let yourself go

freefalling into rum-laced nirvana

point of no return

fly.

I WILL SUCCEED

my personality?

---

Much of the time you are preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature. You need stimulation and variation with all matters pertaining to your life. You want to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality being able to charm and influence others. You use powerful strategies with predictable outcomes so as to avoid endangering your chances of success or undermining other people’s confidence in you.

 

You don’t really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions.

Although you are, deep down, a very caring person, you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict – conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.

You feel that nobody really appreciates you and this is causing you considerable stress. You feel that you have to sublimate your emotions and this is depressing you no end. You feel that the only way you can resolve this untenable situation is to get away from it all and re-establish your own individuality. Co-operation is very important in your life, but this has not been forthcoming from anyone. No-one seems to care and it is because of this situation that you are finding it increasingly more difficult to let yourself go and as a result you are becoming more and more isolated and even, to some extent, introverted. You are displaying a touchy and an over sensitive personality. Trying to take on the whole world doesn’t help – you need to relax.

Anxiety and a restless antagonism, as a result of unfulfilled emotional needs, has resulted in considerable stress. You are trying to overcome this by working and playing extremely hard – but at all times you have your future in mind. You are a worker and as a result of your inherent enthusiasm you cannot fail.

———–

oh colorgenics, if only you could see the pain i was going through in physics class. (:

but wow, very true/=

www.goldinuniverse.com

a lost cause.

life is dynamic. it never stops.

and sometime’s you can’t keep up.

lost.

left behind.

swallowed up by your loneliness.

one month thirteen days.

so little time comparative to 1 and a half years.

yet so much can change.

 

i think i’ll go away for a bit.

midterm for physics is tuesday. midterm for communication is wednesday. i have too much on my platter and even though i know that i’m not able to concentrate these few days because of recent events, i’m thinking too much. it’s come to the point where i’m being swallowed up by fictitious tv dramas just so i can forget about what i’m going through. nothing but hollowed eyes and an aching body to come out of that. so. let’s prioritize.

who wants to cry when they can do physics hwk all day |:

BAM.

i demolished that midterm. it had nothing on me.

[:

though i did forget the formula for perchlorate. but hey, ohwell. (:

not sad at all.

they say, love brings out the best in people.

but it also brings out the worst.

look at me. point proven. i think the path i’m going on is self-destructive.

not good.

i’ll probably alienate half the ones that matter most to me with my obnoxious self-loathing and insecurity before i even have a chance to say i’m sorry.

emo morning. who wants to read emo stuff.

let me eat my chicken cajun rice tv dinner in peace while i prepare for my future to fail.

 

poor itty bitty hao.

my bank account is 400 down after less than 2 months?

omg.

and plus, so much for my whole painting pink rainboots black to make it black with pink dots.

my boots are falling apart.

and chem lab today was terrrrrrrrible.

our machine was fucked up so we weren’t able to get the data that we wanted and whatnot. so afterwards we had to steal someone’s data. *sigh.

today. has not been good.

 

pick up the ball and throw it.

please don’t cry little girl.

life’s too short to waver on such trivial matters.

a road is never so straight that it doesn’t have bumps.

but that’s all they’ll be.

climb, crawl, run, walk.

however you choose, just don’t stop.

anyone and everyone deserves the pursuit of happiness.

but it’s up to you to choose the pace at which you go.

———————————–

i slept at two yesterday. it was annoying. i laid there fussing over things that are completely irrational. lately, i’ve been seeing traits that show up that are traits i have always berated other people for having. traits that i’ve always pointed out to be bad.

dad says that deep down, everyone is the same. we’re all human beings after all. we all consist of the same emotions. individualism is just how much of each emotion we show to the world.

currently: in chem class reviewed for midterm

currently: eye twitching. contacts blurry. time to get new ones but bank account is slowly sinking.

past: got a haircut yesterday that i am mixed feelings about.

future: i don’t know what’s going to happen in my life, specifically a certain part of my life. but i have a keen feeling that it’s bound to happen at one point or another and i’ll just be sad when it does.

currently: feeling ashamed because i promised to cover clicker* questions for her and i forgot her clicker at home.

past: in a constant state of miff.

i think i will go ddr my heart out today. i’m just that confused.

maybe ranting to sydney will help. afterall, my friendship with certain others are dynamic and right now, some are on the fritz [and not because of me] . some i just can’t talk this crap too because they are too biased toward one side or the other.

—-

*clicker: a thing that looks like a remote control that you buy for most science classes to press in your answers during lecture classes. this is use to check for attendance most of the time and you get minimal points for a correct/incorrect answer. and plus, your answers only count for a small percentage of the whole class (usually participation points) so it doesn’t even really matter. unless you’re an obsessive person like me that cares about every little point because it could be the potential make it/break it point between a 2.9 and a 3.0.

thumbs down.

god, fawk. i hate it when it downpours and im stuck wearing wet flats all day. gah.

i’m spending too much money. spending too much money.

45 dollars on two pairs of boots. 20 dollars for a haircut. 2 dollars, 3 dollars, 4 dollars, here and there.

and i haven’t even gotten paid because i haven’t effing turned in my paperwork for work. it’s been a month late too so i shouldn’t even be complaining about that. gah.

physics is due tonight. screwed.. chemistry is due wednesday. screwed. chem midterm friday. physics exam tuesday. physics hwk also due next monday. comm midterm next friday. comm readings due this friday.

screwed screwed screwed.

although hanging out with diana was absolutely hilarious today. the two girls that sat at the same table were apparently really annoyed with us.

[hao leaves for the bathroom]

random guy to the two white nerdy girls: hey! what’s up. i’ll join you guys.

girl 1: oh no. we’ll move tables.

random guy: oh! it’s fine. i can pull up a chair.

girl 1: no. we’ll move. this table stinks.

[hao comes back]

this is what she told me went on while i was gone. i mean, wtf? this table stinks? those freshies be dissing on random girls. did i mention RANDOM IDIOT FRESHY GIRLS? i mean, okay, no lie. i’m a freshy, but these girls look like wanna emo nerds that only have each other for friends. and one of the girls had this FUGLY tattoo on the inside of her scrawny little forearm. and well, i was like “whatever”. but diana was totally shit-mad and she was hella going to call them out. which makes sense because biiiiiiitch, what the fuck did we do to YOU. we’re just sitting there laughing and talking about physics homework while YOU TWO don’t even know the simple ass prefixes for chemicals [mono, di, tri, hexa, hepta, penta, ect.]

fuck leave if u want but don’t be effing dissing us just because. rofl, diana cracks me up. [:

i totally died in physics class today and got 3/3 questions WRONG. so more  like, 0/3. gahhh. annoyance.

okay, i must go eat because i haven’t had a chance to eat all day. man! i’m getting skinny.

totally rad.

my co workers have influenced me. i have now incorporated the word into my vocabulary.

anyways, birthday weekend whatnot was fabulous. at least part of it.

so let’s start out with the fact that when i plan things, they never ever ever go the way they should. seriously. from the whole alyson blowup to my birthday last year with the pizza eating to doing homework. and meeting people. gah.

so the plans were: bowling from 3-5, bubble tea, ddr, whatnot, then karaoke from 6-7.

let’s just say it didn’t go like that.

but we had fun anyways. there were a few surprise drop ins and a few disappointing drop outs. but it was close knit and lovely nonetheless. i must admit, yunnie probably soaks their tapioca in honey/sugar or something because it’s absolutely delish. and if you’re in csa, jsa, hksa, vsa, any “ethnic” “a”s, then you get a discount. it was like thirty cents but hey, it means a lot to the homeless guy down the street.

i’m eighteen. i intend to register to vote online right after this! woohoo king county elections! susan hutchinson has my vote. and between mcginn and mallahan, we’ll see. mallahan looks like he’s scheming out to get my tax money imo.

xD

sweet seattle fall.

i absolutely love the misty rain falling on my face when i tilt it up to search the sky for sunshine.

pictures to come.