“please?” “NO!!!”

I can’t say no.

I feel guilty and slightly down after rejecting a person.

But then again I guess there’s different situations in which I am able to say “no” freely and without guilt. But often, because I can’t say “no”, I get into situations that I don’t want to be. Sticky stupid situations where I get dragged along and do something I really don’t want to do. People are always like “You’re letting yourself get walked all over” and apparently I’m being “taken advantage of” but I think it’s more of my submissive nature. And I blame that on my parents. I’d be the kind of person that gives up the last piece of candy and then whine about it afterwards. A lot. Is that such a bad thing though? Sometimes I get confused myself. I’m in denial. I like to think that I’m confident and strong and I can stand up for myself (please note, this whole blog excludes anything related to standing up to my parents which I will in 100 never be able to do because when my dad looks at me with those eyes, I melt like the Wicked Witch of the West) but maybe that’s not so true? I mean, okay, if someone was like HAVE SEX WITH ME i’d be like “uh. hell no?”. I’m not talking about those situations. More like these:

“You wanna go out for coffee?”

*looks at me with big eyes, all adorable and crap*”

“Uh…uhm…er…”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to…”

“Er…no..it’s okay..i’ll go..”

—

“Hey Hao. Waltz with me? Oh wait, sorry, you were walking by I didn’t know if you wanted to waltz or not..”

“Oh…well…uh..”

“it’s okay. You can say no if you want.”

“No..it’s okay..let’s waltz.”

—

“Hey Hao. What’s your number?”

*pulls out cell phone, all ready to punch it in*

“Uh… 2..06..3..5.1..*..*….*…*”

(the stars are there so no blog reader will call me randomly or something)

“Okay. Cya!”

—

 

In that last situation, I just talked to the guy in my class for like 5 minutes and like, I hella didn’t wanna give him my number (yet) but he’s all going off and thinking we’re best buddies or something and I just felt bad. And like, it’s ridiculous because all the people have given me an escape route by saying “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”. I mean, easy way out right? Just say “Yea. I don’t really want to.” BUT WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT?  Okay. In all situations, I felt guilty for saying no. There’s so many news articles out there that are all like “WOMEN CAN’T SAY NO” and stuff. I like to read them and laugh, but maybe I’m just laughing at myself?

*sigh

 

 

hum bugger.

ionicbondscovalentbondsionizationenergyatomicmassneutronsprotonselectronionscationsanionsmetallicnonmetallicsigfigsresonancelweisdotstructuresbohrmodelsorbitalsprincipalenergylevels…

did i mention that i have a chemistry midterm tomorrow today? erg. at least i’m understanding all most of this stuff. but still, watch me fail.

ALLY. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FAIL MATH. I WILL HELP YOU.

it’s fridaaaaay. *yawns* finally. maybe i’ll get some sleep in this weekend. actually i was hoping to wake up at 2 on saturday like i always do but i just realized that i have my TIPS interview at 12. ugggh. that means i have to wake up at like..10. how stupid. sunday’s going to be nice since Almar is having a BBQ at her gram’s next door so i will see her! yay.

I’m slightly delusional right now and really really tired. I thought the sun was going to come out today? I was going to wear capris too. ‘cept nooo Seattle is screwy and likes to play tricks and make it like 30 degrees in the morning and then crank it up to 60 for like..2 minutes at noon. Okay. I’m cranky. I admit. This week has been totally annoying because there’s a CERTAIN person that’s been on my mind. Too much for my comfort. A blast from my past that I hella don’t want to think about. I mean, I don’t mind thinking about this person. I harbor no resentment towards them. But why is this person IN MY HEAD. Maybe it’s because of ally and her all “omg i saw HIM from 5 years ago.”. five. six. whatevers ally. but yea. goshdangit. i don’t wanna think about this person anymore. because when i do, it makes me SLIGHTLY depressed. just slightly. but i think as time goes on, it’ll get better. i wrote a rant/vent but i’m sorry. i put it as private.

(wow, i’m sorry. that whole paragraph probably sounded like i was crazy. ohwell)

izzy got a blog. woot. im so influential. and yes, it’ll be good for her so she won’t have to CALL ME when i’m SLEEPING IN THE CAR and rant for half an hour about “shewhomustnotbenamed”. rawr.

ohsnaps. what the hell. i just realized that my pinky finger has lost a chunk of skin and that i have cut on my left index finger o___O” how i got these, i do not know. weird.

“All I wanna do is have some fun I got a feeling I’m not the only one” -Sheryl Crow!

 wishmeluck on my TIPS interview! *fighting!* xP

 

 

 

—

OH AND GREY’S WAS SO FREAKING GOOD LAST NIGHT.