“please?” “NO!!!”

I can’t say no.

I feel guilty and slightly down after rejecting a person.

But then again I guess there’s different situations in which I am able to say “no” freely and without guilt. But often, because I can’t say “no”, I get into situations that I don’t want to be. Sticky stupid situations where I get dragged along and do something I really don’t want to do. People are always like “You’re letting yourself get walked all over” and apparently I’m being “taken advantage of” but I think it’s more of my submissive nature. And I blame that on my parents. I’d be the kind of person that gives up the last piece of candy and then whine about it afterwards. A lot. Is that such a bad thing though? Sometimes I get confused myself. I’m in denial. I like to think that I’m confident and strong and I can stand up for myself (please note, this whole blog excludes anything related to standing up to my parents which I will in 100 never be able to do because when my dad looks at me with those eyes, I melt like the Wicked Witch of the West) but maybe that’s not so true? I mean, okay, if someone was like HAVE SEX WITH ME i’d be like “uh. hell no?”. I’m not talking about those situations. More like these:

“You wanna go out for coffee?”

*looks at me with big eyes, all adorable and crap*”

“Uh…uhm…er…”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to…”

“Er…no..it’s okay..i’ll go..”

—

“Hey Hao. Waltz with me? Oh wait, sorry, you were walking by I didn’t know if you wanted to waltz or not..”

“Oh…well…uh..”

“it’s okay. You can say no if you want.”

“No..it’s okay..let’s waltz.”

—

“Hey Hao. What’s your number?”

*pulls out cell phone, all ready to punch it in*

“Uh… 2..06..3..5.1..*..*….*…*”

(the stars are there so no blog reader will call me randomly or something)

“Okay. Cya!”

—

 

In that last situation, I just talked to the guy in my class for like 5 minutes and like, I hella didn’t wanna give him my number (yet) but he’s all going off and thinking we’re best buddies or something and I just felt bad. And like, it’s ridiculous because all the people have given me an escape route by saying “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”. I mean, easy way out right? Just say “Yea. I don’t really want to.” BUT WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT?  Okay. In all situations, I felt guilty for saying no. There’s so many news articles out there that are all like “WOMEN CAN’T SAY NO” and stuff. I like to read them and laugh, but maybe I’m just laughing at myself?

*sigh