BAM.

i demolished that midterm. it had nothing on me.

[:

though i did forget the formula for perchlorate. but hey, ohwell. (:

not sad at all.

they say, love brings out the best in people.

but it also brings out the worst.

look at me. point proven. i think the path i’m going on is self-destructive.

not good.

i’ll probably alienate half the ones that matter most to me with my obnoxious self-loathing and insecurity before i even have a chance to say i’m sorry.

emo morning. who wants to read emo stuff.

let me eat my chicken cajun rice tv dinner in peace while i prepare for my future to fail.

 

poor itty bitty hao.

my bank account is 400 down after less than 2 months?

omg.

and plus, so much for my whole painting pink rainboots black to make it black with pink dots.

my boots are falling apart.

and chem lab today was terrrrrrrrible.

our machine was fucked up so we weren’t able to get the data that we wanted and whatnot. so afterwards we had to steal someone’s data. *sigh.

today. has not been good.

 

pick up the ball and throw it.

please don’t cry little girl.

life’s too short to waver on such trivial matters.

a road is never so straight that it doesn’t have bumps.

but that’s all they’ll be.

climb, crawl, run, walk.

however you choose, just don’t stop.

anyone and everyone deserves the pursuit of happiness.

but it’s up to you to choose the pace at which you go.

———————————–

i slept at two yesterday. it was annoying. i laid there fussing over things that are completely irrational. lately, i’ve been seeing traits that show up that are traits i have always berated other people for having. traits that i’ve always pointed out to be bad.

dad says that deep down, everyone is the same. we’re all human beings after all. we all consist of the same emotions. individualism is just how much of each emotion we show to the world.

currently: in chem class reviewed for midterm

currently: eye twitching. contacts blurry. time to get new ones but bank account is slowly sinking.

past: got a haircut yesterday that i am mixed feelings about.

future: i don’t know what’s going to happen in my life, specifically a certain part of my life. but i have a keen feeling that it’s bound to happen at one point or another and i’ll just be sad when it does.

currently: feeling ashamed because i promised to cover clicker* questions for her and i forgot her clicker at home.

past: in a constant state of miff.

i think i will go ddr my heart out today. i’m just that confused.

maybe ranting to sydney will help. afterall, my friendship with certain others are dynamic and right now, some are on the fritz [and not because of me] . some i just can’t talk this crap too because they are too biased toward one side or the other.

—-

*clicker: a thing that looks like a remote control that you buy for most science classes to press in your answers during lecture classes. this is use to check for attendance most of the time and you get minimal points for a correct/incorrect answer. and plus, your answers only count for a small percentage of the whole class (usually participation points) so it doesn’t even really matter. unless you’re an obsessive person like me that cares about every little point because it could be the potential make it/break it point between a 2.9 and a 3.0.

thumbs down.

god, fawk. i hate it when it downpours and im stuck wearing wet flats all day. gah.

i’m spending too much money. spending too much money.

45 dollars on two pairs of boots. 20 dollars for a haircut. 2 dollars, 3 dollars, 4 dollars, here and there.

and i haven’t even gotten paid because i haven’t effing turned in my paperwork for work. it’s been a month late too so i shouldn’t even be complaining about that. gah.

physics is due tonight. screwed.. chemistry is due wednesday. screwed. chem midterm friday. physics exam tuesday. physics hwk also due next monday. comm midterm next friday. comm readings due this friday.

screwed screwed screwed.

although hanging out with diana was absolutely hilarious today. the two girls that sat at the same table were apparently really annoyed with us.

[hao leaves for the bathroom]

random guy to the two white nerdy girls: hey! what’s up. i’ll join you guys.

girl 1: oh no. we’ll move tables.

random guy: oh! it’s fine. i can pull up a chair.

girl 1: no. we’ll move. this table stinks.

[hao comes back]

this is what she told me went on while i was gone. i mean, wtf? this table stinks? those freshies be dissing on random girls. did i mention RANDOM IDIOT FRESHY GIRLS? i mean, okay, no lie. i’m a freshy, but these girls look like wanna emo nerds that only have each other for friends. and one of the girls had this FUGLY tattoo on the inside of her scrawny little forearm. and well, i was like “whatever”. but diana was totally shit-mad and she was hella going to call them out. which makes sense because biiiiiiitch, what the fuck did we do to YOU. we’re just sitting there laughing and talking about physics homework while YOU TWO don’t even know the simple ass prefixes for chemicals [mono, di, tri, hexa, hepta, penta, ect.]

fuck leave if u want but don’t be effing dissing us just because. rofl, diana cracks me up. [:

i totally died in physics class today and got 3/3 questions WRONG. so more  like, 0/3. gahhh. annoyance.

okay, i must go eat because i haven’t had a chance to eat all day. man! i’m getting skinny.

totally rad.

my co workers have influenced me. i have now incorporated the word into my vocabulary.

anyways, birthday weekend whatnot was fabulous. at least part of it.

so let’s start out with the fact that when i plan things, they never ever ever go the way they should. seriously. from the whole alyson blowup to my birthday last year with the pizza eating to doing homework. and meeting people. gah.

so the plans were: bowling from 3-5, bubble tea, ddr, whatnot, then karaoke from 6-7.

let’s just say it didn’t go like that.

but we had fun anyways. there were a few surprise drop ins and a few disappointing drop outs. but it was close knit and lovely nonetheless. i must admit, yunnie probably soaks their tapioca in honey/sugar or something because it’s absolutely delish. and if you’re in csa, jsa, hksa, vsa, any “ethnic” “a”s, then you get a discount. it was like thirty cents but hey, it means a lot to the homeless guy down the street.

i’m eighteen. i intend to register to vote online right after this! woohoo king county elections! susan hutchinson has my vote. and between mcginn and mallahan, we’ll see. mallahan looks like he’s scheming out to get my tax money imo.

xD

sweet seattle fall.

i absolutely love the misty rain falling on my face when i tilt it up to search the sky for sunshine.

pictures to come.

amour is in the air & it’s clogging my head.

it’s one of those i-don’t-want-to-know-the-answer-type questions that occasionally occur to a person during the times where their body is mentally and physically strained and beaten down by life.

okay. exaggeration.

BUT.

let’s set up the scenario.

couple goes out. enters first stages of romance when in the beginning, both parties are hesitant to use the “L” word [lust ! woohoo! jk. okay. seriously.] because they both want to mean it when they say it. girls have that funny, although no doubt extremely sexist and cliche, that guys run away screaming in the other direction  when they hear the words “i love you”. anyways, not true. but yes, so after beating around the bush, they triumphantly pass that part of their relationship and are able to express their deep emotional feelings for each other and say I LOVE YOU loud and proud.

at what point after does that phrase become something expected rather than truly meant?

in other words, what if it ends up being something said out of obligation rather than truth.

what happens then?

…funny enough. being me, i did not keep my mouth shut and keep this to myself. i HAD to express my self to my boyfriend and immediately regretted it. it was a horrid thing to say out loud and it didn’t even reflect the way i feel because my love is in the moment. it is immediate. it reflects how i feel about you in the present tense. i mean, that’s what life’s all about right? and when he responded “kinda”, [i rephrased the question into a "is i love you something that we've come to expect from another now? or something similar to that] …i  bawled my eyes out some more. lol.

told you. i blame the hormones.

exhausting.

a dam breaks and the river runs until it has eroded all in it’s path and goes dry. i did not get a good night’s sleep last night. i blame the hormones because i can tell my period is coming because 1) my boobs get fatter and 2) my thighs start to get sore. it makes me look fatter and apparently you get a glow that makes you look prettier. lol. anyways, i did not get a good sleep. but last night made me thankful for a lot of things including people you love. it also made me question some other things such as what love is. it’s a confusing time and i just want my period to come and get it over with.

in addition, the night foreshadowed what my day was going to be like. i woke up with puffy eyes and eyeliner made me look more like a raccoon than ever. i went to chem class and didn’t listen [i DID get all clicker questions right though ^^] and my laptop screwed me over because i can’t change the orientation of the screen in tablet mode when i don’t have an adapter plugged in? how annoying. but i just really wanted to go to sleep. the hour after that was fun-filled though because there was ‘penny per pin’ bowling. you pay a penny for every pin you knock down total. only happens 10:30 – 11:30 so me and sydney went and played. it was hilarious because we got SO many gutter balls and the ball practically dragged us down half of the lane. and then i was late to communications class and i couldn’t get a seat i wanted so i had to freaking slide in between the aisles to a seat all the way in the middle where i was squished in between people. i felt claustrophobic. we DID watch a hilarious spoof news cast about the “dangers of facebook”. and the class was over an hour early so i had nothing to do for an hour because work began at 2. *sigh. i hate it when routine goes awry and then i have nothing to do.

work was very fun today. i got to plug in my ipod today into the stereo so we bumped to my tunes for the shift today. but at the end, it was the hugest mistake ever. i’m actually kinda scared i might get fired for it. so i went for a pop run before i got off at five. a pop run is when you take a huge cart and you take the elevator down to the basement and get coke cans [like a hundred of them--all sorts] and bring them back up to the gift shop to stock. so i got all the soda and put a box of nantucket nectars on the top. nantucket nectars are glass bottles of juice. i think you can see what’s coming. i put them on the cart and take the elevator back up. when i push the cart out of the elevator, the wheel goes sideways and FALLS into the crack between the elevator and the floor and the whole cart tips and the box of juice goes CRASHING to the floor. seriously crashing. like loud-ass BANG GLASS FLIES EVERYWHERE crashing. *sigh. i’m starting to freak out at this point and on the verge of tears. so i go running to my co-worker and she’s pretty chill and handles stuff. but MY GOD, it was catastrophic. glass and juice and soda were everywhere. i really hope my boss doesn’t totally go bonkers over it and fire me because i’d be SO screwed. shitake.

and this happened toward the end of my shift, at 5pm, which is when i was HOPING to get off work a bit early so i could quickly run to the HUB for the VSA meeting. so i got off late, and RAN to the effing meeting. to realize it was standing room only and i was SWEATING SO MUCH. i felt so gross. ]:

it wasn’t a great day. now i have to finish chemistry and turn it in before 11:50pm. gahhh.

nothing to say.

my birthday was a sleeper hit. let’s just say, it involved being in a bed alot (:

we [the parents and me] planned to go to todai because i get free food right? and then we go and the dude is like “sorry. i’m going to have to give you a birthday voucher because in order to get the free meal, you need three paying customers” which i then said “nevermind” and walked away. i’m cheap and proud. plus. 29 dollars is not worth it for todai. i could potentially eat some very yummy sushi for 29 dollars a person. tch.

so this week has been pleasant so far. i’m trying to fight pending sleep but i think i will lose soon so this will just be a quick blog. i’m so tired.

just had work from seven am to 11 am today. it was fun excluding the part that i think my boss probably hates me because i’m a slacker. haha. but yes, it was fun.

we had the physics test which i really think i failed. miserably. and i totally overthought it and it was really quite simple too. so i don’t wanna talk about it.

other than that, i’m leaving. because i’m going to nap before physics class.

toodledoo.