the skinny on skinny jeans.

i have a milestone to proclaim!

i know i’m really skinny with literally no curves so i’ve been avoiding the latest fashion trnd and hiding under my covers. that is, i’m talking about the skinny jeans. i know people say that “oh, skinny jeans are the best for people who don’t have fat thighs and are slim” but you know what? i’m too skinny for skinny jeans. when i wear them, i feel skinnier just because they clamp onto my stick calves and acentuate the fact that i absolutely have no jiggle fat. it’s kind of sad. whenever i flip through the racks at stores now, they’re 90% jeans that start big at the top and go small at the bottom. like an inverted triangle. and then what the heck is this “EXTREME SKINNY” jeans. i mean, i absolutely ENVY girls that look fabulous in those. which is pretty much 87% of the asian girls at my school. i much perfer to toss on my sweatshirt and jeans-that-still-fit-me-from-seventh-grade and hide in the corner because they’re so pretty. i still don’t understand what Shawn sees in me anyways.

anyways, skinny jeans are skinny-enhancing. hence this is why i have not worn them ever. /=  but on the opposite end, my mom tries to stuff me in baggy clothing because apparently that makes me look like i have a bit more fat on me. but making me swim in my clothes and feel lost. right.

but last saturday, i bought my first pair of skinny jeans. an aeropostale size 0* pair. it fits snugly and it doesn’t suck on my lower leg like a leech so it’s not TOO bad. the only reason i bought them is because i would like to buy a pair of rainboots for my upcoming walks around campus for school [it's Seattle afterall. rain season starts ...now.] and i could easily tuck them into my boots. it’s much better than trying to stuff my normal flare pants into there. and plus, they were cheap so…why not. they aren’t that bad. my boyfriend says they look fine. haha, sad that i use him as a judge right? but then again, he would know what looks good on me and he’s pretty brutally honest. “hao, your boobs are flat” “thanks hon, i know.” i actually kind of love them because i can wear any shirt with them and they look fine. now all i need are converses and a huskies sweatshirt and i will officially be a non-individual and conform with the masses.

by the way, this is me being daring. sad right? i should write a college essay on this. what is the more daring thing you have done and why? i bought skinny jeans.

hehe.

*size 0. there was a line from a book that i have where a girl ponders who made a size of clothes that says that body ceases to exist. i will find the quote and post is up but it really made me feel …i don’t know. kind of empty? a size where you end up ceasing to exist. a zero. a size where the body turns into nothing. zero.

..so what about size 00? ]:

brand new white kicks. step on them and die.

I hate standing on a crowded bus. My bag tends to be heavy and I do have a fear of furthering my already in-the-process curvature of my spine (scoliosis). I know that I have mentioned that I hate it when seats are left empty and people don’t sit their ass down. Consider this an extension of that blog. Continuing on…those people who don’t sit down proceed to block the aisle thus blocking your way to getting to a seat. And me, I’m passive. I stand there and take it like a sissy. Plus, I have bad experiences of walking down the bus aisle around people, from tripping to stepping on people’s feet to slamming my bag into someone’s face (i played SuJu and said “Sorry Sorry!” [hahahahah. did you get that? okay. if you didn't, proceed on. if you did, HIGH FIVE!*). It's quite traumatic for me. Plus, I'm horribly self-concious on the bus and I always feel as if someone is staring at me and I'm constantly being watched at one second or another. Which makes me feel highly uneasy. I twitch. I can't stay in one spot. I constantly shift my weight around on my feet (occasionally leading to the very sexy "fly forward when the bus jerks to a stop or hits a bump" action). Oh yes, one point bus. zero points Hao.

I'm also that person that is always reluctant to go all the way to the back of the bus (unless I'm with someone) because of my clumsiness. And also, one time I did that, I figured out there were no seats left in the back (this is due to my blindness without my contacts/glasses) and was left standing awkwardly in the back area of the aisle. Where if you are flying around, you WILL hit someone in the head with your bag. So I don't go to the back. I take the first seat I see, and if the first half of the bus doesn't have any seats, I stand near the door. But what I usually do is sit in the front. And then an old lady comes on. Don't get me wrong, I like old people. I'm very sweet to old people. I want to be treated nice when I'm old afterall. So, of course, I stand up and let them take my seat. Which leads to standing in the aisle. Which loops (yay, CSC term!) to the beginning of this blog and repeats.

 

I just wanted to write this just for the heck of it. It's true. I wanted to rant. I don't give a rat's ass if you liked it or not.

--------------------------freebeeupdatezzz.

I'm still waiting for my Stanford [rejection] letter. I don’t care about SU because I got into UW. I am alienating my friends because they are pissing me off and I’m tired of groveling and always being all “it’s okay. i forgive you.” and stuff. I can live with being a loner. I’ve always been one anyways. I am finding comfort in places I shouldn’t be and yes, I do feel guilty about it. But a secret remains a secret as long as you, and only you, know it. So, my secret. But I should really not be doing what I am doing. It’s almost the end of the quarter. Y’know, I thought this quarter was going to be stress as hell but it turned out to be quite chill. I think the hardest part was just college shtuff. I DO have a feeling next quarter is going to be harder, just because I’m taking Anatomy and Physiology (which has 2 2-hr labs each week.) but I’ll survive. It’s my last quarter at SCCC before I head off to whereever I’m heading off. I’ll definitely miss it. Especially Cal Anderson Park. 

I am doing considerably well in Chem and am hoping to get a 3.4 in that class, if not higher. Hoping. I’d be happy with a 3.2 though. But 3.4 is my goal. Though this quarter seems a bit tiring to a couple of my friends, I hope they are able to make it through (just 14 more days buddies!) because it saddens me to see them down and tired and everything. One of them I don’t blame, considering he’s taking 4 classes this quarter plus works plus commutes. Tiring. And the other, basically the same. Hang in there. Fighting~! (:

*As mention in the bus rant above.  Super Junior finally released their new Single : Sorry Sorry. I am quite pleased with it. It’s quite the mainstream technoish pop-ish music you’d think to hear of. It’s okay. I listened to it a few times and it grew on me. It makes me bob my head. Wow, this review sucks. Lol. But I’m looking forward to hearing what their new album sounds like because I didn’t really like Don’t Don. /=

My mom deep fried rice cakes. Must go eat now. Later.

say it ain’t so!

ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh gosh dang it *&*$(#$.

okay i’m not really pissed or anything.

just the slight “grrrrrrr” because guess what i’ve been wanting for the past three years but have never gotten. a nice REAL ice cream shop near GHS where me and my friends (ahem. my friends and i) can go during the measly lunch hour and eat ice cream.

guess what just opened in Wallingford.

MOLLY MOON’S HOMEMADE ICE CREAM SHOP.

homemade freaking ice cream. like…3 blocks from GHS current Lincoln location. THREE FREAKING BLOCKS. I remember when we were at the old place down on 23rd and Jackson and the Messenger did that whole April Fool’s joke about how a new ice cream place opened up and they were giving away free scoops to celebrate and i’m like HOLY CRAP ICE CREAM SHOP and literally, I believe the joke. Ohmann I was SO excited too. Until someone was like “uhh..Hao..it’s April Fool’s day joke” and I was like “OMG. This sucks.” But hey, I wasn’t the ONLY one who believed the joke so shut up. Anyways, gosh I so so so so wish that I was still at GHS, just because that shop opened up. Okay, maybe not “so so so so” but quite a bit at least. I remember when the only ice cream we actually got was the Green Tea stuff (though it was good, but HAO WANTS VARIETY!) at Kozue’s to pair with our one dollar sushi rolls =P  And it would be put in ghetto styrofoam cups to keep them cold. But now, bulldogs can enjoy high quality ice cream. with many awesome flavors. 

“Can you imagine wrapping your tongue around balsamic-vinegar-streaked strawberry? Or salted caramel? There’s also Thai iced tea, cardamom, “Scout” mint and honey lavender.”

- The Seattle Post-Intelligence 5-21-08

 And jeez, I can hella believe that if we get more of those 80 degree weather days, they’ll be busssssy with the lunch crowd of high school students. I mean, I’d be one of their customers. Oh well. I guess I’ll have to stick with fro-yo at CrazyCherry by SCCC. Though that place is hellaaaaa expensive. Is there an ice cream shop somewhere near here? ARE YOU READING THIS MOLLY MOON!?

 

 

 

GHS YOU LUCKY BASTARDS ♥

lol ;P jk

“please?” “NO!!!”

I can’t say no.

I feel guilty and slightly down after rejecting a person.

But then again I guess there’s different situations in which I am able to say “no” freely and without guilt. But often, because I can’t say “no”, I get into situations that I don’t want to be. Sticky stupid situations where I get dragged along and do something I really don’t want to do. People are always like “You’re letting yourself get walked all over” and apparently I’m being “taken advantage of” but I think it’s more of my submissive nature. And I blame that on my parents. I’d be the kind of person that gives up the last piece of candy and then whine about it afterwards. A lot. Is that such a bad thing though? Sometimes I get confused myself. I’m in denial. I like to think that I’m confident and strong and I can stand up for myself (please note, this whole blog excludes anything related to standing up to my parents which I will in 100 never be able to do because when my dad looks at me with those eyes, I melt like the Wicked Witch of the West) but maybe that’s not so true? I mean, okay, if someone was like HAVE SEX WITH ME i’d be like “uh. hell no?”. I’m not talking about those situations. More like these:

“You wanna go out for coffee?”

*looks at me with big eyes, all adorable and crap*”

“Uh…uhm…er…”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to…”

“Er…no..it’s okay..i’ll go..”

—

“Hey Hao. Waltz with me? Oh wait, sorry, you were walking by I didn’t know if you wanted to waltz or not..”

“Oh…well…uh..”

“it’s okay. You can say no if you want.”

“No..it’s okay..let’s waltz.”

—

“Hey Hao. What’s your number?”

*pulls out cell phone, all ready to punch it in*

“Uh… 2..06..3..5.1..*..*….*…*”

(the stars are there so no blog reader will call me randomly or something)

“Okay. Cya!”

—

 

In that last situation, I just talked to the guy in my class for like 5 minutes and like, I hella didn’t wanna give him my number (yet) but he’s all going off and thinking we’re best buddies or something and I just felt bad. And like, it’s ridiculous because all the people have given me an escape route by saying “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”. I mean, easy way out right? Just say “Yea. I don’t really want to.” BUT WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT?  Okay. In all situations, I felt guilty for saying no. There’s so many news articles out there that are all like “WOMEN CAN’T SAY NO” and stuff. I like to read them and laugh, but maybe I’m just laughing at myself?

*sigh

 

 

no love for puppy

I was looking over my old English class things last night and I was reading the very first essay I wrote. It was suppose to be a descriptive essay about a subject, whether it be person, place, or thing. A very normal assignment to see how well your powers of description are. Not to sound like I’m full of myself or something, although you may snort at that and say that I do anyways, but I actually think I have a strong level of giving details. But anyways…the topic that I had chosen for my essay was actually someone quite close to me. Close as in intimate in this case. I had written more than 750 words about a person that , at that time, was my world. It was even titled “My Sweetheart” with a kiddy-drawn heart next to it. Looking back on it, I feel stupid and slightly ashamed of how brazen I was to be writing such a thing. How immature and childish it was. How naive I was to think that the words “together forever” even exist. Okay, slight exaggeration but I really don’t understand what was going through my head back then. Each word I wrote sounded as if I was some obsessed girl writing about one of her idols.  I can’t imagine what was going through my peers’ heads when I handed them my rough copy for peer review and editing. But one my peer’s comment sheets, he had written that I did a good job and that the subject I was writing about was puppy love and it reminded him of when he was younger.

PUPPY LOVE? What is puppy love. Type it in to google (a la Mozilla’s handy google taskbar) and you get “temporary love of an adolescent”. TEMPORARY? If I had know that, I wouldn’t have written a freaking ode to someone that was supposedly temporary. Even though he had written that term down during the period that I was still dating that guy, I don’t think that he had any right to define my relationship as “temporary” even though it actually came true…maybe I’m just a bitter bitter girl.

Well. Here I am now, 6-7 months later in SCCC’s Computer Lab writing a blog at 8:53 (oh crap need to skiddadle to class and finish this later…) —

Hello. It’s 3:52 now. I should be studying for my chem quiz tomorrow but I will finish up what I had to say here first. 

So 6-7 months later. I am, once again, enjoying the feelings of puppy love with another guy. But I don’t want it to be puppy love. Cross the word puppy out. But me being so young, how do you whether something is going to last or not? Just like your life, you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I find the term puppy love offensive because when you are experiencing all those emotions, you don’t think of what happens tomorrow or next or next year. You don’t think of words such as “temporary”. You think of words such as “love” and “forever”.

 

Thinking back to my essay, although I do not have the same feelings as I do for the guy i wrote about. I can imagine how I felt so strongly towards him because I feel it now towards someone else.

 

HAO=HYPOCRITE ♥

10 Reasons Why I Hate Being Skinny

I know that 25% of Americans are obese or whatever. But I am in that .82749% of Americans that are skinny. NATURALLY. Now everyone’s all like, “ohmygoshyouaresoskinnyimsojealous!” but, uh i’m not really happy with that. On the scale at my house, I am 98 lbs (*gasps!!*) and on the scale at my doctor’s office I am 101 lb (*gaspss again!*). I know. Be jealous. Not.

Here we go!

1) Hearing “ohmygoshyouaresoskinnyimsojealous!” over and over again. I’m seriously sick of it. Wanna be skinny? Ever heard of getting off your couch potato but and going outside for a run? Okay, maybe you exercise. Well. Commit to it.

2) Hearing my name connected with the words “anorexic” and “diet” and “not eating”.Shut up people! I eat as much as you do. Maybe even more (I’m talking to all you dieters that eat one carrot stick a day or something. It won’t work)! Don’t JUDGE me because you don’t watch me on a surveillance camera 24/7 and monitor what foods go into my mouth.

Same goes with “you should eat more.”

3) Being reluctant to exercise because you might lose the weight you gained the week before.I just recently found out that I love jogging. The steady thump-thump of your feet as you move across the pavement, grass, or whatever. It’s like flying if you close your eyes (though not recommended because light poles and street signs DO exist). But although it makes my legs stronger, it makes my waist drop a size. Ahhh horrible.

4) Picking up trashy celeb magazines and all you see is “Lose 20 pounds!” & “______. Too skinny? Too fat?” Seriously. I like to indulge upon the lives of the rich and famous just like the other person, but spare me the weight examinations. It makes me feel bad, and it makes the slightly overweight but still damn gorgeous girl next to me self-conscious too.

5) Finding bottoms that fit nicely.People wouldn’t think that this would be a problem but it is. Pants/Jeans that are snug at the waist, flattering on the body, and long past my feet are SO DAMN HARD TO FIND. And plus, i’m skinny but I’m 5′5″ so size 0s are usually too short. >=O

6) How you look like a stick in everything that shows your shoulders and above or knees and below. No explanation needed. It’s a pain.

7) Being light.Push me and I fall. Punch me and I bruise. Blow at me and I fly <– Jk.

8 ) Maybe this is just for me but..Hard to float on water. Is it just because I have minimal body fat?

9) Being cold easily. It’s 65 degrees and I’m still in a sweater and shivering. How the girl across the street comfortable in a small tank top and shorts, I do not know.

10) Lack of boobage. Laugh all you want. But then again, if I did have a nice rack, it’d look odd on my skinny body wouldn’t it. Like bowling balls balanced on a board =P

—————————

This may seem like a rant. A list of complaints. In many ways it is. But really, I am very happy with my body and I really think a lot of girls should be too. Everyone is gorgeous in their own way; fat or not fat, boobs or no boobs, tall or short. If there’s is some aspect that you don’t like about you body, aim to change it. If you really put your mind into it, everything will work out fine. But in the end, maybe your body is just like that. So really.

LOVE IT.

 

I’m in a PMSing mood gosh dang it ):

 

♥