wishes are fail.

what i wish for were a group of friends that all got a long with each other. or would completely hang out with each other instead of having a middleman set it up.

like, iono, 4 or 5 people that were totally in sync with each other. instead of singular friends that i have to put in a salad and toss together but sometimes it doesn’t taste good. we would go on road trips and vacations together and when we grow older and have husbands/wifes, we would still be tight and throw great christmas parties and have fun.

last night was great. my sister’s friends came down from seattle. originally, i was going to take the train down with them until i found out my brother was driving down. *shrugs. but yes, we ended up playing apples to apples and drinking wine and just talking about random stuff. and planning the corruption of the little sister. haha.

we had to keep my sister distracted because he husband and his friends were staying home and setting up her birthday present. that is, he bought a brand new flat screen LED 55 inch tv and was mounting it on the tv and new speakers and stuff. i mean, DAMN. it was so cool. and watching Up on that tv was….man oh man. it was CRAZY. and then we went to dinner at this fabulous steak restaurant where we probably spent like three hours there. the food was SO SO good. and man, the bill ended to being like 500 dollars for nine people. ohmygosh. if i was THAT asian, i would have whipped out my camera and taken a picture of the bill right then and there. haha. but the food was totally worth it. i was stufffffed.

after that, we watched terminator salvation but i more like, played with my niece because she’s so gosh darn cuteness.

apparently we’re going to a birthday party tonight. — my sister just called. i haven’t shaved my legs SO i will be sticking with my jeans and white tank tonight.

– baby is going to puke on my jacket. ohno. he’s bringing the baby for me to sniff. LOL. i can’t smell shit — literally. hahahah. apparently she pooped by i can’t smell it.

i’m going to head to joannes later to buy some two dollar christmas lights.

okay. fo

byebye autumn 2009.

finals are over. woohoooooooo.

tired, i am.

sleepy, i am.

anxious to go to work, i am.

i start officially driving tomorrow! (er, today, considering it’s almost 1am)

it’s going to be awesome. cars! beware! this girl has only driven for 3-4 months total! bwahaha. kevin’s scared and ken wants “passenger insurance”

honda cr-v’s have one of the highest safety ratings in all cars. so, i’m feeling pretty safe.

no more studying for a few weeks. i’m feeling good. a bit happy too. though boys are stressful. but girls are hot. so life evens out.

mwah~

btw, kelsey apartments have cute boys i wish i lived there.

3 hours til finals….and..?

five thirty am. im awake. im watching two guys play left for dead two. and well, i’m blogging. i was locked out of my house today because i forgot my key in my house. fail. luckily daizy (daniel izzy) was driving me home so they were able to drive me back to the uw. i felt really bad but thank god they were there. i would have probably sat on the front steps and cried.

they’re shooting zombies. it’s pretty funny. let’s resume where i started.

locked out. ended up going to sydney’s place to stay over. kevin comes over and we watch my sassy girl until 230am and then i end up going to his apartment because sydney basically kicked me out. oh well. i did some studying but y’know. i ended up getting tired and sleeping. a bit. though their living room is quite bright and they were studying and playing music and whatnot. but that’s okay. i feel a bit like i’m intruding but i don’t want to leave with my tail between my legs or something.

but i really do love their apartment over sydneys. well sydney’s a bit warmer and girlier lighting but there’s is more…fun and chill. i don’t know how to describe it.

but i will attempt to get some sleep considering my final is in 3 hours but…hey, they’re shooting up zombies. it’s kinda hard.

finals pain.

this is not a procrastination blog.

i have actually studied for two hours straight before i am taking this hour break for food and a little blogging.

this last week has been slightly better than last. much better actually. monday was fail for school. i ended up going to northday to try on random sequined dresses in hopes of looking pretty. we ended up getting a pretty ridiculous, but oh so cute, headband bow that has become the envy of many [and the disgust of many others]. i must admit, it’s pretty sexy.

facebook.com/perfectsoup

ya ?

(:

and what else. i studied that night at ode. i am falling in love with studying at odegaard. although people think it’s pretty fail, i find it funny that although for the first half hour or so, we mainly just talk and joke around, the next two hours are PRETTY studious. ^^ bussed to the store so Steven could drive me home at 10. Steven’s the guy that works at my parent’s store and he’s pretty awesome. he set up a whole wireless thing at my parent’s store because we don’t get internet there (we steal from the guy next door..with his permission of course) and so we have wireless and he does his homework. i feel bad for the guy cuz he works 7am to 10pm everyday. it’s some long hours man.

and the tuesday was hanging out at izzy’s.

wednesday he drove me home after chipotle and uh…more studying? i can’t remember. or was that monday…

so much stuff has been happening.

thursday i was driven home by diana’s boyfriend. well not home, more like dropped off at rainier beach at ..8pm. at which gave me total deja vu cuz last time i was waiting for the bus in that area, i also felt uneasy and called up someone to keep me company. only in that case, it was shawn.. blah. i should really carry my pepper spray along but knowing me, i’d probably aim it the wrong way and spray me instead and that shit HURTS. and then i’d get raped and killed. yep yep. but i should anyways.

friday was…basically…free day. haha. i woked up late because i pressed the wrong button on the alarm and turn it off instead of snooze and then slept. and sydney called me at the end of class and was like WHERE ARE YOU and i was like SHIT. ): ohwell. we ended up going to microsoft (way cool) and then the bravern (too expensive) and olive garden and i basically felt like a third wheel all night. boy…i should stop going out with couples.

the parents haven’t been home and it’s taking a toll on my bank account. haha. i’m eating unhealthy and i don’t think i’m gaining any weight. but hey, at least i haven’t lost any. (:

finals are tuesday and wednesday. tuesday afternoon, wednesday morning. i’m studying for chem right now and physics tomorrow and i think mainly physics monday since i’m heading to ode to meet up with my physics bud. and my driving test is tuesday when seattle is expecting a storm to roll in. fail.

and then work on thursday. work friday. then oregon. i’ll be back the 23rd i think and then we’ll party okay?

sikes, i’m a good girl. i just wanna go to gameworks on thursday night and play humvee all night. bwahaha. meet you there for happy hour ~

okays, back to hitting the books.

it’s fine.

i like to believe in happiness.

that’s my excuse for my denial of things. i like to believe the good in things. i wish i was a realist but i am an optimist.

it makes no sense to try and be happy when the world’s just a horrible place

even though i like being an optimist, i’ve learn one thing. it’s a helluva ways to fall when the bubble bursts. a long way down to hitting the earth.

that should sum up everything that i went through.

dude, ABC makes some shows with some pretty good quotes. haha.

my brother brought home grey’s anatomy. i must say, it’s perfect timing since i watch grey’s anatomy to feel better. i ended up bawling at the sad parts. and i’ms o effing jealous of mer and der. dude, i’m so jealous it’s sad.

and it’s so effing cold these nights. though i turn on my heater and the power goes out because my heater sucks up electricity and my house is old. i mean, low of 21 and high of 30? JEEZ. and considering i have to take the bus this whole week at like, 7am in the morning. i’m going to slip on some black ice and fall on my ass. and if i fall on that huge hill near my house, i’m going all the way down. maybe i’ll invest in a fold up sled. like, pull it out when i need to go down the hill and then fold it up and put it in my backpack. genius idea for all those inventors out there! (:

i drove a lot today. and i didn’t hit any cars. costco. mall. sam’s club. walmart. walgreens. and all my parking was superb. shit, i’m going to PASS my driving test this time. or else i’m going to be melodramatic and throw myself at the tester person or something. or out into the traffic.

dude, can you believe that most people are actually on finals week this week? i’m so jealous. uw still has one week of school and THEN finals. i’ll probably spend all my time in the library trying to study and/or eating out. and since i figured i have lots of time, i think i’ll work out at the ima. maybe. i want to go swimming ><” must find a swimming buddy..

anyways, good luck on people taking finals this week! ~ add oil as some chinese people say apparently. i dont even know which situations it applies to but okay (:

– have a nice start to the week.

such a pity.

so what if life is unbearable right now.

so what if i failed my chemistry exam.

so what if it was the lowest grade i’ve ever gotten on an exam in ANY class so far. it even beats my physics!

i feel like a horrible failure right now. chem class with khakimova is EASY. i aced the first exam with flying colors. i know this stuff. okay, so maybe the last exam was on gases which we HARDLY covered in villarba’s at SCCC. i had my physics and chem exam on the same day so i couldn’t very well study for both. of course, sydney pointed out that for how much time and effort i’ve been putting into physics, there hasn’t been much result. thanks…thanks a lot.

so maybe i should refocus? step back and take a breather. it IS thanksgiving weekend afterall. it’s not going to be good thing if i continuously stress over something that’s already happened. my labs are going great and my homework is as well, so i should still get an A albeit a low one. i think it’s just this whole pre-med thing that’s getting to my head. honestly, i really don’t know what i want to do with my life. pre-med just seems…so far off and so…hard. and everytime i get frustrated or denied something while arguing with my parents, i just cry. just like how i cry when i can’t deal with my emotions and when they get the best of me, haha, hao’s such a wuss. i’ve always been put on this path to become a doctor. not to mention having people around me reinforce that i can become a doctor puts extra pressure. “what if i don’t want to become a doctor,” i once said to my parents. they pretty much said “that’s not going to happen”. but then again, i have no idea what i WANT to do if i didn’t become a doctor. i really like…i don’t know what i like. i have this friend. he’s so go-with-the-flow i’m completely enamoured by his passion for life and to do the things he wants to do. i feel like he’s really got of hang of it, y’know?

me: what do you want to career-wise?

him: i don’t know. we’ll see.

me: what?!?

him: well with a degree in business and economics, i’m bound to be able to do something. but we’ll see when it comes.

which is true. he’s really smart and he works for it, staying up hecka late to study and being diligent. i admire his responsibility. and he does all this while holding down a part time job too. but it’s not like he’s not some socially awkward introvert that spends all his time studying and working… he also finds the time for his friends ( like our lunch!). right now he’s taking korean just because he likes the language, which has led him to applying to study abroad in Korea for a semester. i’m so jealous, i asked him what he wants to do afterwards and he says maybe he’ll spend a year after he graduates teaching english in Korea. i mean, DUDE, that’s just fabulous. while i’m sitting here, wasting my life away with a path that i don’t even know how i feel about… it’s just hard not to get jealous.

but the thing is, it’s not as if i’m NOT happy with being the idea of becoming a doctor. it’d be great honestly. it’s not as if it’s a bad thing. and who knows, i might love it. but i’m afraid that the reason i’m thinking it’s such a great thing is because that’s all i’ve known my entire life. it’s like…wired into my brain to have this notion  towards being a doctor in the first place. *sigh.

….it’s interesting how much this chem score really bugs me. my head is just pounding and i literally want to throw up. i’m continuously swallowing to keep anything from emerging from the depths of my stomach. i hate this. and this was the score after a curve too! ><”

not to mention, the stress of choosing classes and my upcoming vietnam trip. and how my boss literally sent out an email saying that taking food to eat from the gift shop without paying for it is basically stealing when EVERYONE does it and i feel as if it’s directed at me because she probably hates me. yes, life is not flowing well right now.

even a nice hot shower didn’t help.

i’m sad. i’ll go to sleep now.

fresh and clean!

“sleigh bells ringinggggg. are you listeninnnnnnnnng.“

i think my co workers had too much from me today. ahha. i got stamped three times by steve and the stupid UWMC GIFT SHOP stamp. twice on my face in front of a line of customers. and i got picked and thrown (almost!) into the trash as well. i was just so giddy. it must have been the two cups of swiss chocolate almond flavored coffee i chugged down in hopes of staying awake.

i’ve actually had pleasant sleep these last few days. and they have been superb and GR8. that’s right, i wrote GR8 just cuz it was GR8. drama-free worry free is so good. last night, i got to bed and after my goodnight text(s) to people, i CONKED out. sorry izzy, got your text from 12:34pm (haha 1234.) at 6:34 am this morning! and this week, lunching with my fabulous friends have been sincerely lovely.

i’m just oozing with gratitude and energy right now. if i could stick random hello kitty stickers on this blog, i would. you should see my phone.  (yes you can!) see? yea, my phone kicks your phone’s ass.

OOBER CLOSEUP.

damn right i’m special (says the STICKER). and so what if i only have hello kitty stickers. i’m bouts to get those sexy rhinestones and start sticking them on. haha. i’m loving my impression even though the screen’s fritzy sometimes. but thatsokay, cuz i can text awesomely.

OH.

and i’m purely awesomest because i rock the cute-teddy-bear-on-my-badge look at work too. c-c-check it.

my id badge pic is horrible and only ken has seen it (“dude. what the hell is this picture. it looks like you gained hella weight”…or something along those lines. haha) and so i just had to cover it up (: but yes, that teddy bear has a story.

once upon a time (7th grade) i had a crush on conor shine. he chucked a teddy bear he found at my head. i ended up keeping it because 1) conor shine chucked it at me and 2) it was cute. the end.

and of course, the same hello kitty sticker i have on my phone, ONLY in orange.

and do notice that my face looks highly scary, lurking behind images held up to the webcam. but my fingers do look so pretty… xD

over the weekend, cleanup in chinatown was fun. we found all sorts of stuff and i met some new people that were pretty chill. i did meet someone that especially caught  my eye but alas, the koreans have once again taken all the good picks. ahha. i did get to chat with the vp of vsa, valerie, who is ONE AMAZING girl. she’s absolutely gorgeous and just talented. it’s funny because he oldest bro is an IT specialist at a hospital and her other bro is in pharm school and uh…my brother is an IT specialist at a hospital and my sister is a pharmacist. only dif is that she’s going to pharm too and me? me…i don’t know. (: i completely envy her..she’s been EVERYWHERE and she’s outgoing but she still maintains the best grades and stuff. super jealousy. and did i mention she’s beautiful? ):

i went to the dmv to sign up for driving test. freaking costs twenty dollars. ridiculous. but then dad effing yelled at me because i signed up for december 5th which is when we leave for vietnam and he says that we won’t have TIME when it takes like TWENTY mins to effing take the test. and it’s the only saturday appt open before we leave. shitake. i will have to call them again to see if anyone dropped their saturday appt but fat chance.

short notes before i head off to do some physics and chemwork.

– i ultimately suck at pool

– i ultimately suck at recognizing people without my contacts on

– i love froyooooooooooo to deeeeeeath

– im afraid of my boss

– i really like bad romance my lady gaga. even though the video makes me giggle.

– midterm on friday for physics and chem. funstuff right?

BAM.

i demolished that midterm. it had nothing on me.

[:

though i did forget the formula for perchlorate. but hey, ohwell. (:

poor itty bitty hao.

my bank account is 400 down after less than 2 months?

omg.

and plus, so much for my whole painting pink rainboots black to make it black with pink dots.

my boots are falling apart.

and chem lab today was terrrrrrrrible.

our machine was fucked up so we weren’t able to get the data that we wanted and whatnot. so afterwards we had to steal someone’s data. *sigh.

today. has not been good.

 

pick up the ball and throw it.

please don’t cry little girl.

life’s too short to waver on such trivial matters.

a road is never so straight that it doesn’t have bumps.

but that’s all they’ll be.

climb, crawl, run, walk.

however you choose, just don’t stop.

anyone and everyone deserves the pursuit of happiness.

but it’s up to you to choose the pace at which you go.

———————————–

i slept at two yesterday. it was annoying. i laid there fussing over things that are completely irrational. lately, i’ve been seeing traits that show up that are traits i have always berated other people for having. traits that i’ve always pointed out to be bad.

dad says that deep down, everyone is the same. we’re all human beings after all. we all consist of the same emotions. individualism is just how much of each emotion we show to the world.

currently: in chem class reviewed for midterm

currently: eye twitching. contacts blurry. time to get new ones but bank account is slowly sinking.

past: got a haircut yesterday that i am mixed feelings about.

future: i don’t know what’s going to happen in my life, specifically a certain part of my life. but i have a keen feeling that it’s bound to happen at one point or another and i’ll just be sad when it does.

currently: feeling ashamed because i promised to cover clicker* questions for her and i forgot her clicker at home.

past: in a constant state of miff.

i think i will go ddr my heart out today. i’m just that confused.

maybe ranting to sydney will help. afterall, my friendship with certain others are dynamic and right now, some are on the fritz [and not because of me] . some i just can’t talk this crap too because they are too biased toward one side or the other.

—-

*clicker: a thing that looks like a remote control that you buy for most science classes to press in your answers during lecture classes. this is use to check for attendance most of the time and you get minimal points for a correct/incorrect answer. and plus, your answers only count for a small percentage of the whole class (usually participation points) so it doesn’t even really matter. unless you’re an obsessive person like me that cares about every little point because it could be the potential make it/break it point between a 2.9 and a 3.0.