tonight is my night.

floor rumbling to deep bass murmurs

eardrums shot with penetrating force

sweat mixed cocktails, salty lime stirred bodies

entwined trunks slithering smoothly, skin contact hungry.

seductive whispers “take me home with you “

blacklights highlight fly sights

unsatisfied, sound waves reach out to grab ahold

hands up in a church hallelujah, let yourself go

freefalling into rum-laced nirvana

point of no return

fly.

thumbs down.

god, fawk. i hate it when it downpours and im stuck wearing wet flats all day. gah.

i’m spending too much money. spending too much money.

45 dollars on two pairs of boots. 20 dollars for a haircut. 2 dollars, 3 dollars, 4 dollars, here and there.

and i haven’t even gotten paid because i haven’t effing turned in my paperwork for work. it’s been a month late too so i shouldn’t even be complaining about that. gah.

physics is due tonight. screwed.. chemistry is due wednesday. screwed. chem midterm friday. physics exam tuesday. physics hwk also due next monday. comm midterm next friday. comm readings due this friday.

screwed screwed screwed.

although hanging out with diana was absolutely hilarious today. the two girls that sat at the same table were apparently really annoyed with us.

[hao leaves for the bathroom]

random guy to the two white nerdy girls: hey! what’s up. i’ll join you guys.

girl 1: oh no. we’ll move tables.

random guy: oh! it’s fine. i can pull up a chair.

girl 1: no. we’ll move. this table stinks.

[hao comes back]

this is what she told me went on while i was gone. i mean, wtf? this table stinks? those freshies be dissing on random girls. did i mention RANDOM IDIOT FRESHY GIRLS? i mean, okay, no lie. i’m a freshy, but these girls look like wanna emo nerds that only have each other for friends. and one of the girls had this FUGLY tattoo on the inside of her scrawny little forearm. and well, i was like “whatever”. but diana was totally shit-mad and she was hella going to call them out. which makes sense because biiiiiiitch, what the fuck did we do to YOU. we’re just sitting there laughing and talking about physics homework while YOU TWO don’t even know the simple ass prefixes for chemicals [mono, di, tri, hexa, hepta, penta, ect.]

fuck leave if u want but don’t be effing dissing us just because. rofl, diana cracks me up. [:

i totally died in physics class today and got 3/3 questions WRONG. so more  like, 0/3. gahhh. annoyance.

okay, i must go eat because i haven’t had a chance to eat all day. man! i’m getting skinny.

amour is in the air & it’s clogging my head.

it’s one of those i-don’t-want-to-know-the-answer-type questions that occasionally occur to a person during the times where their body is mentally and physically strained and beaten down by life.

okay. exaggeration.

BUT.

let’s set up the scenario.

couple goes out. enters first stages of romance when in the beginning, both parties are hesitant to use the “L” word [lust ! woohoo! jk. okay. seriously.] because they both want to mean it when they say it. girls have that funny, although no doubt extremely sexist and cliche, that guys run away screaming in the other direction  when they hear the words “i love you”. anyways, not true. but yes, so after beating around the bush, they triumphantly pass that part of their relationship and are able to express their deep emotional feelings for each other and say I LOVE YOU loud and proud.

at what point after does that phrase become something expected rather than truly meant?

in other words, what if it ends up being something said out of obligation rather than truth.

what happens then?

…funny enough. being me, i did not keep my mouth shut and keep this to myself. i HAD to express my self to my boyfriend and immediately regretted it. it was a horrid thing to say out loud and it didn’t even reflect the way i feel because my love is in the moment. it is immediate. it reflects how i feel about you in the present tense. i mean, that’s what life’s all about right? and when he responded “kinda”, [i rephrased the question into a "is i love you something that we've come to expect from another now? or something similar to that] …i  bawled my eyes out some more. lol.

told you. i blame the hormones.

exhausting.

a dam breaks and the river runs until it has eroded all in it’s path and goes dry. i did not get a good night’s sleep last night. i blame the hormones because i can tell my period is coming because 1) my boobs get fatter and 2) my thighs start to get sore. it makes me look fatter and apparently you get a glow that makes you look prettier. lol. anyways, i did not get a good sleep. but last night made me thankful for a lot of things including people you love. it also made me question some other things such as what love is. it’s a confusing time and i just want my period to come and get it over with.

in addition, the night foreshadowed what my day was going to be like. i woke up with puffy eyes and eyeliner made me look more like a raccoon than ever. i went to chem class and didn’t listen [i DID get all clicker questions right though ^^] and my laptop screwed me over because i can’t change the orientation of the screen in tablet mode when i don’t have an adapter plugged in? how annoying. but i just really wanted to go to sleep. the hour after that was fun-filled though because there was ‘penny per pin’ bowling. you pay a penny for every pin you knock down total. only happens 10:30 – 11:30 so me and sydney went and played. it was hilarious because we got SO many gutter balls and the ball practically dragged us down half of the lane. and then i was late to communications class and i couldn’t get a seat i wanted so i had to freaking slide in between the aisles to a seat all the way in the middle where i was squished in between people. i felt claustrophobic. we DID watch a hilarious spoof news cast about the “dangers of facebook”. and the class was over an hour early so i had nothing to do for an hour because work began at 2. *sigh. i hate it when routine goes awry and then i have nothing to do.

work was very fun today. i got to plug in my ipod today into the stereo so we bumped to my tunes for the shift today. but at the end, it was the hugest mistake ever. i’m actually kinda scared i might get fired for it. so i went for a pop run before i got off at five. a pop run is when you take a huge cart and you take the elevator down to the basement and get coke cans [like a hundred of them--all sorts] and bring them back up to the gift shop to stock. so i got all the soda and put a box of nantucket nectars on the top. nantucket nectars are glass bottles of juice. i think you can see what’s coming. i put them on the cart and take the elevator back up. when i push the cart out of the elevator, the wheel goes sideways and FALLS into the crack between the elevator and the floor and the whole cart tips and the box of juice goes CRASHING to the floor. seriously crashing. like loud-ass BANG GLASS FLIES EVERYWHERE crashing. *sigh. i’m starting to freak out at this point and on the verge of tears. so i go running to my co-worker and she’s pretty chill and handles stuff. but MY GOD, it was catastrophic. glass and juice and soda were everywhere. i really hope my boss doesn’t totally go bonkers over it and fire me because i’d be SO screwed. shitake.

and this happened toward the end of my shift, at 5pm, which is when i was HOPING to get off work a bit early so i could quickly run to the HUB for the VSA meeting. so i got off late, and RAN to the effing meeting. to realize it was standing room only and i was SWEATING SO MUCH. i felt so gross. ]:

it wasn’t a great day. now i have to finish chemistry and turn it in before 11:50pm. gahhh.

nothing to say.

my birthday was a sleeper hit. let’s just say, it involved being in a bed alot (:

we [the parents and me] planned to go to todai because i get free food right? and then we go and the dude is like “sorry. i’m going to have to give you a birthday voucher because in order to get the free meal, you need three paying customers” which i then said “nevermind” and walked away. i’m cheap and proud. plus. 29 dollars is not worth it for todai. i could potentially eat some very yummy sushi for 29 dollars a person. tch.

so this week has been pleasant so far. i’m trying to fight pending sleep but i think i will lose soon so this will just be a quick blog. i’m so tired.

just had work from seven am to 11 am today. it was fun excluding the part that i think my boss probably hates me because i’m a slacker. haha. but yes, it was fun.

we had the physics test which i really think i failed. miserably. and i totally overthought it and it was really quite simple too. so i don’t wanna talk about it.

other than that, i’m leaving. because i’m going to nap before physics class.

toodledoo.

phase II: college.

COLLEGE IS HERE.

AND I’M GOING TO BE A NICER PERSON.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS HERE I COME!

———————

Move in day is Thursday and I’ll be in the area because I’m going to be buying books off craigslist. Yea! I’m so jealous of everything. Move in day. Dorming. Late night Dawg Daze Events that I WON’T be able to attend [LATE NIGHT SHOPPING AT FRED MEYER? DODGEBALL?] But that’s fine fine fine because I’m anxious to start NOW. Okay, maybe it’s just so I can be in a lecture hall with 400 kids and feel what it would feel like to be 1 out of 1000. BUT NO! I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO BEING LOST IN THE MASSES. I WILL BREAKOUT [HOPEFULLY NOT ON MY FACE ...] OF THE MOLD!

That is, if I’m able to. Definitely trying. Badminton club. VSA. Swimming. Peanut Butter and Jelly Club? [With Anna]. Har har har.

Cute asian guys at UW. I’ve seen them around. They’re DEFINITELY there. And no, Ally. They’re not all FOBs. Only 50% of them. But I have a feeling that I won’t have that much time to be diddlydallying around. [I shouldn't be either considering I'M TAKEN]. I should get my ass on that chemistry book RIGHT NOW if I had the brains too. For some reason, I have this weird idea that somehow I will find a friend in Communications class that will end up having either Physics/Chemistry with me and we’ll be all buddy-buddy and skip into the glorious sunset together. Or huddle under a small umbrella in treacherous rain depending what what month I ACTUALLY make a friend. I’m giving putting my bets on November 5th, give or take a few days. That will be the day I make a good friend. Take it or leave it, yo.

I’ve been SO stressed out these last two days because my first pick of Work Study jobs DIDN’T WORK OUT. On a slightly but still connected to the topic tangent, I was watching teh season premiere of Heroes [HIRO'S!] and Claire’s, the cheerleader’s, roommate made me laugh SO hard. I mean, she had the next 10 years of her life planned out on a pink cardboard sheet of paper with glittery stars and arrows and PICTURES. Then she ended up being thrown out the dorm window and bleeding her guts out on the floor below. Sadness. ANYWAYS. THAT WAS MY POINT.

….In case you missed it. I was trying to point out that you shouldn’t PLAN things so far ahead because they will not go according to plan. I was NOT trying to say that planning your life ahead for the next ten years is bad because you could potentially die tomorrow…kind of.

Anyways, relative to my Work Study. I was kind of placing all my chips on this one job and I didn’t realize that they were looking for someone with big chunks of hours in their school schedule for the job. Which I don’t. Because when I was planning my schedule, I wanted enough time to be lazy between classes and grab food, but not have huge gaps where I would have classes until 8pm or whatnot. AND NOW I HAVE TO LOOK FOR A JOB WITH A WEEK UNTIL SCHOOL.

gah.

The only big opening for me is working in the gift shop of the UWMC which I would have PLENTY of experience in CONSIDERING I FREAKING WORK IN A STORE NOW. I DON’T WANT TO WORK IN ANOTHER PLACE LIKE THAT. ]: But I don’t have data-entry experience and the other positions have been filled. *sigh. There was another position working with Occupation Therapy in Pediatrics WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH DREAMY…but I screwed that up because I sent my resume in with the objective line UNEDITTED so it says “Seeking a Student Assistant position in the Biology Department” because I had just applied for the Bio department earlier. So now, the person is probably thinking “god this girl is so unorganized and doesn’t look over her papers”.

Fail.

Yes, Izzy. We are failures together. BUT NO WORRIES. WE WILL BOUNCE BACK AND BE BRIGHT AND SHINY LIKE ANNA FUN! ^^

Shawn’s at UCLA and he’s basically having the time of his life. Frat parties with ASIANS. Being invited to Badminton club. He’s totally going to forget about me oogling all the blondes which move in packs. Which I commented and said “Like Harry Potter?” which I don’t really think he got. BUT OTHER HP FANS WOULD. GOD. JOKE FAIL. But there was a very tender moment where he said my panda was getting lint-y. Which really made me wistful because HE STILL HAS THE PANDA I GAVE HIM FROM LAST YEAR AND HE BROUGHT IT TO UCLA AND I WAS MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL THAT HE DID AND HE NONCHALANTLY SAID “YEA. I DID BRING IT”. I wanted to cry. ><”

Speaking of repeating the word FAIL, SYDNEY IS MOVING IN! AND WE’RE EXCITED! AND COLLEGE! YAY! MASSES OF HOMEWORK! YAY!

The Dean of Undergraduate Academic Affairs lives right by the store so he stops by occasionally. And he’s a really nice guy that looked into my record before I even got my acceptance later, and then a few days after I got it, he came in and inquired whether I got in or not. And when I said “yes”, he said good job and that he knew I would because have a good application. =O STOP LOOKING AT MY STUFF ><” Creepy to know more about me than my parents [who have no idea what I wrote as my college essay!] But all in all, he stopped by yesterday and asked me if I chose my advisor yet.

AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW HOW TO DO ALL THIS STUFF ALREADY? I DON’T KNOW. WHERE ARE THE ADVISORS?!?!?!

I ended up dumbly/lamely saying “I have yet to because I wanted to see how my classes turn out”. He told me stop by Mary Gates Hall [at least I know where THAT is] and say Hi and that the advisors are on the first floor. YAY FOR FREE KNOWLEDGE. Can I use my connections to get ahead in school? Maybe? xD I’ll be needing all I can get.

Okay. Well. This post was hugely about college and it’s really lengthy and not real fun. But it’s really the biggest thing in my life. Besides the kitchen being DONE. [:

Pictures soon~!

fawk.

i think it would suck to die in a desert . it really would. dying by dehydration seems like the worst way to die. slowwwww.

anyways, guess who’s coming back tomorowwwwwwwwww! precisely landing on seattle ground at noon. *sings gee by snsd*. makes me giddy ~

but then again, it’s not as if i’ll be able to see him because some things didn’t go the way they were planned. but it’s still better to feel is…presence in seattle? shit, what am i talking about. lol. crying about it won’t mean i will be able to miraculously somehow see him. it’s doomed right? also considering he’s going to ucla and whatnot. which i shouldn’t continue to rag on him about because it really is a better choice than ucla. i’ll let it go. along with everything that’s been happening these past few days.

favors are things you ask from friends that you hope they will be able to do for you. when does the line between a favor and using someone gets crossed? when in return, you do nothing for them. but what if that was because they just never asked? are you able to still ask them for favors? friendship is a two-way street and of course, being a good friend requires both ways. but it’s funny how it was actually all along not about me because it was decided that her day was more important if she were to do something. toxic relationships are good for no one. but whatever.

being mad just raises my high cholesterol. i don’t want to die from an aneurysm. which i could potentially die from considering my family’s death rates. that, or the bump that is emerging on my right side and that i have to freaking go see the radiologist about again. HOPEFULLY it’s just a inflammed lymph node like they suspect. due to my high killer flea bites that have yet to disappear. i swear, bugs just hate me.

so i called the doctor to get a regular flu shot and they’re like..”we won’t have it until october” which is really weird considering pharmacies already have it..? i guess i’ll end up suffering until the swine flu vaccine is available. i really hope i don’t get sick though due to the HELLA SHIT i have for classes ALREADY. even before they started, i’m expected to read that obama book and 25 pages of this thing some lady wrote. and that’s for communications only. *sigh. college life, hello! and OMG SWINE FLU AT UW. *freaking out*

but i’m stoked. i’m counting how many froyo places there are on the Ave and plan to try every one of them.

last min notes before i conk out for the night.

- kitchen is done!

- huskies go! for tomorrow’s game

-hope shawn’s flight doesn’t die

-vulvodynia sucks! fighting ~

-SHAWN’S BACK. OMFG. I WISH.. *SIGH.

crossdressing babies?

what if i dressed my baby boy in pink? what would people think.

baby tam looks a bit like a boy so my sister has to dress her up in all pink outfits. and EVEN then, asian people always ask “boy or girl?” because guess what, WE’RE NOT AMERICAN.

asian people don’t think in that “pink for girls. blue for boys” idea that all americans believe in. my mom still forgets that because it’s not engrained in OUR societal norms. we hardly have money for decent clothes, so don’t even get started about choosing a COLOR for clothes. what if i wanted to dress my baby in purple. or green. should i stick a big fat bow on her head just to label her as a “girl”?

and actually, on a saturday night when we’re all boozed up and high on a feeling of familyness [we had a party with friends and presents and good food], there was a conversation about how people are always saying “AWWW WHAT A CUTE BABY” when they see someone’s baby. a family friend said that it is said so much that it has become JADED and now there is truly no feeling to those words because it practically said for EVERY baby. but my question is are there ugly babies out there? because i truly haven’t seen an ugly baby. all babies are cute to me and i mean, some of them are absolutely gorgeous because of their long eyelashes/puffy cheeks/pouty lips/whatever makes babies super cute, but if they lacked these “cute” features, does that label them as an UGLY baby? it’s so mean to start judging people by appearances when they’re SO YOUNG. it’s just…MEAN. what kind of human goes up to a baby and thinks in their head “god what an ugly baby.” be ashamed of yourself.

—-

happy labor day everyone. my weekend has absolutely been splendid. there was that family party thing on saturday. truthfully, i was dreading it because i knew that everyone would be fawning all over my sister and her baby [as always, SHE is the gorgeous perfect daughter/asian] and i just hate it when i’m casted as the ugly little sister that should BE LIKE HER OLDER SISTER.  >< how many times have i completely gone mentally insane over my mom wishing i was more like my sister? too may times to count.. *sigh. anyways, it ended up being great. i cannot stress how much i love the baby. i just love holding her. i never got to do this with my nephews because they live so far away but baby Tam is just adorableee.

and then on sunday, there was party we had to go to because our family friend’s son’s son is one year old so there was a party thing at Jumbo Restaurant. typical Vietnamese to throw a huge party because their son graduated from med school and their grandson is one years old. showoff asians. god so much food too. it all tasted the same after the 3 dish because it was a chinese restaurant though.. and of course, everyone fawned over how GORGEOUS my sister is after giving birth.

OH THERE WAS A HUGE DISS PART  THOUGH.

man [ to my sister] : well u look like your mom so very gorgeous.

man [offside to me]: you look like your dad!

><”

horrible.

and then today, i watched House of Flying Daggers for the first time ever. it’s a great movie. i liked a lot, especially the visuals which were amazing. that green bamboo forest? and the wintery blizzard scene? =D and the love story was tragic and i was crying in the end, naturally.

and then i went to target where i was uninterested in anything but food. clothes don’t attract me anymore. it’s sad.

anyways, gotta work tomorrow at 7am! dad’s redoing the kitchem floor this week. ]:

friends4life.

running into people you know has got to be the most stressful thing in the world. especially when they’re not the type that you can totally blow off because you’ve probably spoken 3 words to them in your entire life. i’m talking about the type that you have to turn around inyour seat and crane your neck back to talk to them out of politeness because you actually care what they think about you. AND also because you know that if you’re not nice, they’ll probably hate you for the rest of your life and i wouldn’t want anyone to hate me for the rest of my/their life. seriously.

happened. twice today.

i guess it didn’t go too bad. *modifications of names are done for privacy sake.

mommy and me went to chinatown to get groceries and so ended up taking the first bus that headed downtown, downtown. coincidentally it was the 36 bus. that is, i  didn’t notice it was the 36 until i saw how many asians there were on there but anyways. I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE AVOIDED IT because i ALWAYS run into people i know when it’s the 36 because it runs through Beacon Hill … the “asian people” part of town. i ran into* jellybean, *vehicle, and *vietwah on there. we talked about school and uw and friends and why they were in chinatown and whatnot but all the time i was feeling ugly because she’s pretty with amazing skin and im all horrible and not amazing skin. and i do know how allycat is feeling because it seems like old guys are somehow all creepily attracted to me. AND crazy people because they talk to themselves and than all of a sudden the face me and say “how ya doing cutie.” *scuttles away really fast..*

anyways, yes her and vehicle were not that bad. they got off two stops after i got on with a “wanna come hang out with us?” which was really nice. it was actaully not that bad considering what went on between us in the past. girl drama and gossip and boys pretty much ended our friendship. but it was a somewhat nice reconciliation although i do still cringe are her bubbly-airhead way of talking and and eye rolling ><” after they got off, i settle into the somewhat cushiony seat of the bus to relax from self-conciousness when it was a “HEY! *tap tap on my head!*”

i turn around about to ask why they got on the bus again only to find myself facing HIM. a guy that i was somewhat interested but totally turned off after getting to know him a bit more. he’s okay. a sweet awkward kinda guy. we made good small talk and he said i look a bit like my mom so props to him for sucking up. [: it was a hi-bye conversation that last to part of the u district. he invited to me lucnh with his friend which was also nice.

...maybe i shouldn't be so mean to people i should get to know better? self-eval check, Hao. maybe i'm the problem in the friendship and shouldn't be so judgemental? =/ they're NOT THAT BAD. *sigh

i resolve to be a better friend in the future. i need to work on my social skills. maybe that's why i'm taking communications class? haha.

on the other side of things.

i will be playing tennis with my brother today.

i need to go to target to return their expensive flip flops and a pair of moccasins that were an impulse buy.

we are redo-ing the floor of our kitchen.

i am excited for epik high's new album that will indeed be illegally downloaded by me and spread by my mouth to others.

i want an upgrade for my phone but i am too lazy to actually go through the motions of it.

uw work study starts after labor day weekend

OH.

speaking of labor day weekend. sissy is coming up with baby tam tam! i have taken to calling her tam tam because it's adorable`. we're excited and everyones happy and i need to go effing clean the house because she's still hormonal [is she EVER going to stop?] and we’re throwing a party and people are coming over and then we have to go to another party thing and busy busy  busy. i still think the hair is sexy but she looks like a boy.

autobots! rollout!

my sleeping has been crazy wack lately. i sleep late. and then i wake up randomly in the middle of the night. and then back to sleep. and then wake up and then my alarm goes off cuz i forget to turn it off and this i press snooze repeatedly instead of turning it off cuz i’m so use to pressing snooze.

today today was bouncy butt numbness. i actually woke up at 9am. for no reason. my bladder wasn’t even full. and then i just mulled around and slept a little but it was that kind of in-and-out sleeping. and then around like 11am my brother opens the door and is like “hao. hao. hao. wanna go see a movie?” and im like “uh. yea.” cuz i “get to see only one movie a year or something…” (liz 6/27/09) (lol, i’m such a school nerd.)

so up i go dressing and brushing my teeth and leaving my dad a post-it on the counter that read: ba –@ southcenter with anh hai –hao. because i’m SUCH a good daughter and so use to being controlled and telling my parents where i go so they don’t freak out and call the cops slash call all my friends that they have numbers of slash go to my friends house and knock on the door and ask if they know where i am (the latter actually happened.).

southcenter it was. man the imax line was packed. but we managed to get tickets.

overall? movie rated: ehhhh.

first of all. yes, i know megan fox is pretty sizzlin’. like, very very very even-if-i-wasn’t-a-lesbian-i’d-expletive-her sizzlin’. running around in those boots and white pants that never get really dirty. yep. bet you all the guys in that audience were like “if only….”

but besides that, the sound was a bit too loud for me and the whole movie made me a bit headache-y. sad right? considering how much i adore transformers and the hot robot metal sex they have when they grapple and wrestle with each other. and the close-ups of optimus prime transforming? ROBOT P0RN! and yes, i typed that “o” as a zero just to emphasize some geekness. (:

but unlike the first one, the plot was quite thin. i mean, what does the sliver of the all-spark that was with mikela end up doing. just staying in her bag?  and i mean, the whole part with alice hunting (literally) down sam was a bit carried out. and scenes that we absolutely unneeded and added just for stupid slapstick amteur teenage boy humor. yes, i’m talking about the taser to the balls and the TOTALLY UNNESSARY closeup of that sector 7 man’s ass in a thong (very little cellulite i must say..) and you know what got the 7 year old boy laughing his ass off in the row in front of me? the part when mikeala landed on that leo’s “testicles” when they portkeyed (yes! harry potter terminology!) to the desert.

but the most important part is when i cried. yes, i cried. i mean WHO CAN SIT THERE STONEFACED WHEN OPTIMUS PRIME IS BEING RIPPED APART MAN! HE DIEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. *starts tearing up again*

but then he came back to life! with like upgrades from the old man! and it was awesome again!

[:

it was a bit long, that’s all. all action in the last…30 minutes. running and shooting. but oh well, it was still sexy.